We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
