Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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