I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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