I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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