I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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