p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
