I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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