You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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