seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
