girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
