He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
