you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
