His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
