it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
