you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
