just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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