Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
