I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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