I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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