just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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