could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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