I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
