The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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