The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
