Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
