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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need water and some morals
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
