Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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