the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
