I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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