what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
