I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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