There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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