This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
