you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
