I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
