I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
