Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
