True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
