Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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