I heard we made out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
