If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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