My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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