the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
