What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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