That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's like heaven, but drunker
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
