I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
