It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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