I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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