Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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