Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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