So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
