I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
