Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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