stop calling my apartment porn island.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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