Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
