girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
