What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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