She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize