I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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