I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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