I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize