If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
