The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
