Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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