I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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