I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
