So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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