Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nutella sex= disaster
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize