Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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