i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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