i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
