he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
